A window view

We like to look out the bedroom window together. My son and I. It’s a tradition I started when he was about 4 months, and he likes it. Or maybe it’s just a ritual at this point. Is there a difference for him ?

It goes like this: I hold him in my arms, and we look out the upstairs window together. I talk about the trees, birds, cars, building and people that we see. He likes to grab the swinging pole that I use to flip the blinds up and down. I know he’s sleepy when he rubs his face in my shoulder. We do this before each nap during the day and again before bedtime. And then we move into the next stops of our pre-sleep ritual.

I Love You This Much

When I think of rituals and traditions, it brings my mind to traditions I grew up with. I remember my father and I asking each other, how much do you love me? And the other replied, while holding our arms up and open “I love you THIS much!”

I recently found this mouse keychain that I’ve had, well, since forever. And I wonder, which came first, the mouse or our saying. Ah, it doesn’t matter. The memory is what’s valuable.

When I think about how my family looks in the future, I envision us building so many traditions together. It warms my heart. I’m excited to think of all the regular activities we’ll do together, that we’ll grow to love together and repeat over and over again.

It’s impossible to believe that my sweetness will be 8 months old on Sunday. I love him THIS much.

Inspires the lyrics

Good morning! Good mo-o-oorning. Good morning to you. (toot toot)

Inspires the Lyrics

Good morning! Good mo-o-orning. Good morning to you.

We’re gonna get up. And we’re starting our day. We’re gonna have lots of good fun in every way. Woo!

Good morning! Good mo-o-o-o-orning. Good morning to you.

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This is the morning song I sing to my babe. I insert some silly noises. He seems to like it. Babies inspire me to make up songs. When I was less anxious back in the day when I was nannying for my niece, I made up lots more. These days, I find stress does sap some of my creativity.

One of my oldies but goodies is sung to the tune of ‘I’ve got the whole world in my hands.” I changed the lyrics to better match my daily activities…. I’ve got the whole tushie in my hands! I’ve got the whole tushie in my hands… You can imagine the rest.

Lots of songs or ditties I create aren’t worth remembering. Just ask the Hubster. But my baby inspires the lyrics, and I’m going to keep them coming. He’ll decide what sticks.

The forest for the trees

In the midst of all this baby business, the hectic days and long nights, it’s often a challenge to see the forest for the trees.

I wake up on a Saturday morning to the gurgles and coos of my sweet little baby. I want to focus on the present, the gifts, the  sweet smiles that melt my heart. And I want to push aside the noise, commotion and anxiety.

To help me do that, a friend asked me to design my dream. I’m starting with the short term. A perfect day.

I wake up in the morning (at a decent hour, of course) to the sounds of my happy, gurgling, cooing baby boy. I bring him into bed, and the Hubster and I snuggle him, squeeze him and let his smiles kickstart our day. We slowly get up, have breakfast and put him down easily for a long morning nap. I use his nap time to work or exercise. He awakes happy. We take some time to go for a walk or run some errands. Afternoon nap goes well, and I have a little more time for me. Then, we play again or walk, work on some new discoveries and skills. Hubster and I are able to enjoy a nice dinner together either before or after baby bath (hooray!) and nighttime routine. Everyone gets a good night’s sleep. Hubster and I feel confident and comfortable that we are doing a good job and have a happy baby. I can anticipate my sweet boy’s needs much of the time, and feel content.

What? A girl can dream, right?

Baby head

That’s what is going on inside my brain. I struggle to focus on work or to read something besides a baby book or article. I am constantly trying to suggest solutions to problems or non-existent problems, as the case may be. I have milk insecurity from my rough beginnings with nursing, and I constantly feel like I’m not producing enough for my babe. It’s all baby, all the time up in here.

Need I say more?

That’s not to say that he has problems that need solving. He’s a wonderful, sweet, happy boy who hardly ever cries. (Although tears were a great reason for me to stop vaccuuming the other day. Oh, and I can’t use the blender. He does NOT like it.) He is “The Sweetness.”

Due to brain being full-on babified, I find I am unable to cross items off of my ever-growing to-do list. Yikes! Tax deadline is fast approaching, and I can’t even get it together to buy airplane tickets for a planned April trip. Client work needs to get done.

Mama needs to get it together. As soon as I finish this quick blog post….

Lullaby and good night

I thought long and hard about the song that is to become my signature lullaby song for my sweet boy. So many options. Something traditional, like ‘Twinkle, twinkle?’ Something borrowed, like my sister’s ‘The Ants go Marching?’

I played around with a few our first few months together. I changed it up periodically. You know, trying a little ‘Blackbird’ by The Beatles one day and a lesser-known lullaby by Billy Joel another day. (Yes, I’m aware I’m seriously dating myself with these artist choices.)

Now that we’re working on a regular sleep routine with a book and a song, I think I’ve found my pick. ‘Dream a little dream of me’ by the Mamas and the Papas. Ever heard it?

What’s your lullaby?

 

Worst. Day. Ever?

This sweet, 4month old boy I have gave us a run for our money today. It may have been the worst day since he was born. At least that’s how it feels now.

[We have had many great days. Although those don't usually spur me to write about them -- I'm too busy enjoying myself. And I like to vent though writing.]

The crying. Oh, the crying. And his not sleeping. and the pain, possibly from a plugged duct. It was enough to make me cry.

Was he in pain? Not getting enough food? Struggling after Friday’s vaccinations? I’ll never know.

Everyone’s smiles were hiding. But tomorrow is another day. I strive to be optimistic and think positive thoughts as I lay down to sleep. Saturday was wonderful. Monday can be, too. Tomorrow is another day. Up and down.

In front of a national treasure

The USS Hornet is an aircraft carrier that is out of commission and permanently ports in Alameda, Calif.  We recently visited — it’s now a museum — but had to cut the visit a bit short as my little one was hungry and fussy. I imagine we’ll go back there with him when he gets older and is likely interested in all things transportation.

While walking

Please note I wrote “while walking,” not while on a walk. That’s right. In-sling while in-motion while walking back homebreastfeeding. Boom.

I was laughing to myself as I walked. It seemed so ludicrous. But he needed it, so I delivered.

I was well covered. If anyone looked closely, I was just showing some nice cleavage…on one side.

Up and down

Like a yo-yo. The stock market. Space Mountain. That’s how my days are.

The ups are high. The joy and happiness from seeing my 3-month old son smile at me make my heart soar. Pure happiness radiates from his face and I giggle like a schoolgirl after a handful of sugar.

The downs can be deep. ‘Tears streaming down my face at the drop of a pin’ kind of deep. He cries for what feels like eternity and just won’t stop. It seems like all of my efforts to calm him are for naught. And I feel despondent, useless. Wall. Hit. Face.

Ups and downs. All day long. Day after day.

New baby = emotional rollercoaster.

It’s another element of having a baby that no one tells you. Nobody prepares you for it. If they did tell me it would be like this, I doubt I would have been able to grasp it enough to care anyway.

It’s incredibly intense to have so many highs and lows in such a short period of time. A key challenge (for me, anyway) of having a baby. And I’m one of the fortunate ones. He’s a good boy. A GREAT nighttime sleeper. Smiles a ton. When he’s happy, we’re an unstoppable team. When there’s some difficulty, my mood drops dramatically and quickly.

Maybe I’ll find my mediums eventually so I won’t get so emotional when he cries for no reason or is otherwise fussy. Could be the hormones. Or maybe I won’t. It could be my lot that I will feel deeply what my baby boy is feeling. Either way, I just need to keep talking about it to maintain my sanity. Whatever it takes.

Pins and needles

He’s been sleeping on my arm for an hour. I’ve lost all feeling in it, but I can’t bear to move and likely wake him. Oh, the things we do for love.